Bubba
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body,
so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, "Yup, his face is burned up
pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The
mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer
looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and
Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, we never seen'em, but everybody used to say, "There's Bubba with them two assholes."
****
Sexual Harassment
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the
coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair
smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her
complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a
sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: "What's
sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Vin. The midget.
****
Indian joke
A wise old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a Ceremonial
Pipe and eying two U.S. Government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two
Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the
white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances.
You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The Chief nodded in agreement. The Official continued, "Considering all these
events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" The Chief stared at
the Government Officials for over a minute and then calmly replied:
"When white man found this land, Indians were running it."
"No taxes."
"No debt."
"Plenty buffalo."
"Plenty beaver."
"Women did all the work."
"Medicine man was free."
"Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing."
"All night having sex."
Then Chief leaned back and smiled,
"Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
****
A first-grade teacher
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her
students.
The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade
and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry
waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the
situation was The principal told
Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained
to him, and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should
know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the
3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a 'C', ends with a 'T', is hairy, oval, delicious
and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he
could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog
does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of
heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade. I got the last seven questions
wrong...
****
News Anchor
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she
speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....
True story.... a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked
"So Bob, where's the 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too; they were
laughing so hard...!!
****
Navajo Language
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the
astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One
day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew
walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo,
asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people:
"What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the
moon. When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all
excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a
message to deliver to the moon. Recognizing a promotional
opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the
astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape
recorder. The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were
brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his
father had said.
The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he
refused to translate. So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby
Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too
laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's
message to the moon.
Finally, an official government translator was summoned. After he
finally stopped laughing the translator relayed the message:
"Watch out for these pricks. They have come to steal your land."
****